Atlanta, The Elusive Mirage

Atlanta, Georgia. Home to The Braves, juicy peaches, and some well known southern hippity-hoppers. I’ve probably been there close to twenty times over the last two decades, but I’ve never seen this city with my own eyes.

Atlanta is also known as one of the biggest hubs for connecting flights in the United States. An estimated thirty-seven million passengers transfer planes there every single day. Ok, I just pulled that statistic out of my ass, but you get it. Its a lot.

A few weeks ago I planned a 3-day trip to San Antonio to visit an old friend. I found a great price on an Air Tran connection option that gave me a 5 hour layover in Atlanta. Instead of moaning about the wait, I saw it as an opportunity to do some quick sightseeing and shooting, grab a bite and absorb some quick culture in a city I’ve always been curious about. Cumulatively, I don’t think I’ve even logged a whole day in Atlanta. I have no friends or family there so I’ve never had a reason to visit or even drive through.

Yesterday is the day I would have left for that trip. But I never did.  Let’s rewind.

1:10am. Finished packing clothes, laptop, camera, various gizmos, and all associated chargers/data cables. Picked out an outfit for the flight, down to the socks, layed it out, went to bed.

01:37am. Fell asleep

05:59am. Awoke, called for car service, showered, ate

06:50am. Arrived at La Guardia. Long lines and disgruntled passengers as far as the eye could see. Waited an hour just to check in. Waited another hour to go through security. Apparently there was a mass computer failure.

08:50am. On standby for a 10:30am flight to Atlanta. Over the phone, negotiated alternate flights for later in the day in the event of standby option fail.

09:45am. Bought overpriced airport snacks to curb hunger.

10:10am. Standby effort proves futile. I was then offered an 11:00am flight to Akron, Ohio, which would connect to another flight for Atlanta. This flight would arrive in Atlanta at 3:45pm. I would miss my original 3:00pm departure to San Antonio. This was not a practical or logical solution. I accepted the fact that I would be getting to San Antonio at 11:00pm with the rescheduled flights and that I’d once again miss out on exploring Atlanta. My rescheduled departure out of La Guardia wouldn’t leave until 5:52pm. I had many hours to kill.

10:50am. After a bathroom break and much deliberation, I decided I wouldn’t wait it out in the airport, even if it meant going through security again later. I hopped on the M60 Bus right outside the terminal and was home within 20 Minutes. There’s a silver lining to every cloud.

11:20am. I got into my PJ’s, made a snack and took a nap.

12:45pm. Got up and got some work done.

03:08pm. Got in the shower again, shaved, got dressed.

04:20pm. Got on the M60 Bus back to La Guardia.

04:50pm. Arrived at La Guardia. The lines for Security are twice as long as they were in the morning, but they’re actually moving. I try to sneak in halfway but a TSA agent catches me and loudly ushers me to the back of the line. The lines go quickly.

05:10pm. I got to Gate B8. There were no crowds, but the departure time had been pushed back twenty minutes to 6:12pm. No big deal. I would still make it to Atlanta at 8:40pm giving me enough time to catch my connecting flight at 9:05pm.

05:45pm. There was still no aircraft visible at the gate. The arriving flight had been delayed. The growing crowds began to snivel about the wait, but I was more concerned about my connection. Lines began to form to speak to an already overwhelmed gate agent. People barking questions left and right.

06:05pm. The arriving flight had finally arrived. Passengers began to slowly trickle out.

06:30pm. Boarding began. At this point I was sure I wouldn’t make my connection. I spoke to another agent at the standby kiosk, who confirmed this. The 9:05 from Atlanta to San Antonio was still on time. If it had also been delayed, I would have boarded the flight at La Guardia. I then asked if there were any later flights from Atlanta to San Antonio. The agent told me all the flights for the next day and a half were completely booked, and that I would have to wait in Atlanta on standby. This was unacceptable. If I ever got to San Antonio, it would probably be for a day and I’d have to come right back on two more nightmare flights.

06:31pm. Conversation with the standby kiosk agent:

-“I’ve been here since 6:30am and now you’re telling me you don’t know when I’ll be able to arrive at my destination city? I was suppose to be there right now. Cancel my trip, please. And I’d like a full refund”

This is where it got humorous.

-“I’m very sorry for your inconvenience, Sir. We can certainly do that for you… (clicking on computer keys)… Would you like to cancel the return flights also?”

What do you say to this? I could have really let him have it, but I held back a little. In my most polite passive aggressive tone I replied,

-“Well, if I don’t go, I can’t really come back, now can I?”

The agent took a couple seconds to run what I had just told him through that meat grinder he calls a brain. His eyelids may have even flickered a bit, but I can’t be sure.

-“Certainly, Sir. We’ll get that done for you, just give me a minute to call my supervisor.”

06:50pm. I finally got all my receipts sorted out and the agent assured me the money would be put back on my credit card as soon as I contact Expedia to let them know. Fine. Now on to more important matters: Where the hell is my checked bag, and how do i get it back?

07:10pm. Baggage Claim Department. Air Tran and Spirit Ariways share a small office on the first floor near the conveyor belts. There was no Air Tran baggage agent present. The Spirit agent assured me one would arrive in “…just a couple minutes.”

08:00pm. After waiting for almost an hour, I marched back upstairs to Air Tran Ticketing to inquire about my bag. They suggested I go back downstairs to wait and that an agent “… will be there shortly.”

0810:pm. An agent arrived and tracked my bag. It had been sent to Atlanta in the morning. He arranged for it to be sent back to La Guardia and assured me it would be in the office by the next morning.

08:20pm. I was tired, hungry, disappointed and just plain pissed off, but a good friend was able to pick me up from La Guardia and take me home.

So what’s the moral of the story? a) You get what you pay for. b) Don’t take connecting flights on crappy airlines.

Atlanta, you have escaped my grasp once again. You’ve cleverly deterred me, and teased me. You think you can hide from me but you can’t. I’m coming for you, Atlanta. Rest assured I will find you one day, even if I have to plan a trip specifically to see you, it will happen. Just don’t disappoint me. I have high expectations now.

09:10:pm Call of Duty: Black Ops to take out some frustration.